Coping with Grief and Depression: A Journey Through Loss and Healing

Grief can hit like a sudden storm, leaving us shaken and lost. In 2017, I faced a devastating blow when someone I considered a brother was killed in a hit-and-run. That moment marked the beginning of a long, painful journey through grief and depression. This is Part Two of my story, sharing how loss shaped my life and how I found ways to heal.

The Moment Everything Changed

He was just a year older than me, the son of my mother’s ex-boyfriend, but we stayed close like family. When I heard from his cousin and mutual friends that he had been hit and left on the side of the road, struggling for his life alone, I was crushed. I ran to tell my mom, hoping for comfort or shared sorrow. Instead, she said only, “Okay.”

That word felt cold and empty. Someone I loved was gone, and all she could say was “okay”? I felt a storm of emotions—hurt, anger, heartbreak—all at once. I locked myself in the bathroom, turned on the shower, and sobbed on the floor. That night marked the start of my depression.

The Slow Drift into Darkness

After that day, schoolwork became a struggle. I lost interest in everything and buried myself in TV to escape. I didn’t want to be at school, but my teachers and counselor noticed. They offered extensions on assignments and passes to the art room, where I could express my feelings through drawing and painting. Those small acts of kindness helped me survive day by day.

My counselor suggested I talk to my mom about how I was feeling. I don’t know if they ever spoke, because my mom never brought it up. I was just floating, trying to get through each day without breaking completely.

The Year of Loss

Then came 2020, a year I call the year of loss. During the COVID pandemic, I lost my grandmother. She had been my rock, the mother I wished I had. When my mom called me at work to say she had passed after her health declined from COVID, I felt the world tilt again.

My grandmother had always faced life calmly. She used to say, “Let be what is.” I didn’t understand then, but now I think she knew her time was near. I last saw her during our shared birthday week. She died exactly two months later.

Her death deepened my depression. I wanted to go with her. Every morning, I prayed for God to take me in my sleep. Waking up felt like a punishment.

Seeking Help and Facing Struggles

My mom suggested therapy, unaware of the dark thoughts I was hiding. I believe her motherly instinct and faith told her I was in a hole I couldn’t climb out of on my own. I tried therapy for six months and took medication for a while. But I stopped on my own, unsure if it was helping.

During this time, I dated someone who made things worse. Mentally, spiritually, emotionally—I felt more lost. That relationship added to my pain instead of healing it. Bit by bit I began to drown in the darkness.

Finding Small Lights in the Darkness

Even in the darkest times, small things helped me hold on:

• Creative outlets like art gave me a way to express feelings I couldn’t put into words.

• Supportive teachers and counselors who showed care and patience.

• Therapy and medication, even if imperfect, offered tools to manage my depression.

• Faith and prayer gave me moments of peace and hope.

  
  

I learned grief is not a straight path. It twists and turns, and healing takes time.

What I Want Others to Know

If you are grieving, you are not alone. Your feelings are real and valid. Here are some things that helped me and might help you:

• Reach out for support. Talk to someone you trust—a friend, counselor, or family member.

• Allow yourself to feel. Don’t rush your emotions or judge yourself for how you grieve.

• Find a creative outlet. Drawing, writing, music, or any form of expression can ease pain.

• Consider professional help. Therapy and medication can be important tools.

• Be patient with yourself. Healing takes time and is not a straight line.

  
  

Moving Forward with Hope

My journey through grief and depression is ongoing. I still have hard days, but I am learning to live with loss instead of being consumed by it. The pain has shaped me, but it does not define me.

If you are struggling, remember that healing is possible. Take one day at a time. Reach out. Your grief is part of your story, but it is not the whole story. There is hope beyond the pain.